Where Am I Performing Instead of Being?
WRITTEN BY AMBER ROBINSON
Understanding the Masks We Wear Daily
We've all done it. Smiled through exhaustion at a work meeting. Curated the perfect Instagram story that hides our messy reality. Laughed at jokes we didn't find funny to fit in. But here's the question most of us avoid: Where are you performing a version of yourself rather than actually being yourself?
This isn't just philosophical navel-gazing. This question cuts to the heart of why so many people feel drained, disconnected, and unsure of who they really are anymore.
What Does "Performing Yourself" Actually Mean?
Performing yourself means expending energy to maintain an image that doesn't match your internal reality. It's the gap between who you actually are and who you're pretending to be.
Some common examples include:
At work: Always appearing confident and capable even when you're confused or overwhelmed, never showing vulnerability or admitting you don't know something.
On social media: Crafting a highlight reel of your life while hiding the struggles, posting only the moments that make you look happy, successful, or put-together.
In relationships: Agreeing to things you don't want to do, hiding your real opinions to avoid conflict, or pretending to be more easy-going than you actually feel.
With family: Maintaining the role you've always played—the responsible one, the funny one, the achiever—even when it no longer fits who you've become.
Why This Question Matters Now More Than Ever
The pressure to perform has never been higher. We live in an age of personal branding, where authenticity itself has become a performance. But there's a cost to all this performing that we rarely calculate.
The Hidden Price of Constant Performance
Emotional exhaustion: Maintaining a false self requires constant vigilance. You're always monitoring your words, your expressions, your reactions. It's like running a background program on your phone that slowly drains the battery.
Loss of self-knowledge: When you spend enough time performing, you can actually forget what you genuinely think, feel, or want. The mask becomes so comfortable that you lose touch with the face underneath.
Shallow connections: When you show up as a performance, others connect with that performance, not with you. This leaves you feeling lonely even when surrounded by people.
Resentment and anger: All that suppressed authenticity has to go somewhere. Often it emerges as irritability, passive aggression, or sudden outbursts that seem disproportionate to the trigger.
The Therapeutic Value of This Journal Prompt
As a therapist, I use variations of this question because it reveals patterns that keep people stuck. Most clients don't come to therapy saying "I'm performing myself." They come saying they're anxious, depressed, burnt out, or feeling empty. But when we explore where they're performing versus being, suddenly the symptoms make sense.
What Makes This Question Powerful
It assumes nothing is wrong with you: The problem isn't your authentic self. The problem is the energy spent hiding it.
It creates awareness without judgment: Naming where you perform doesn't mean you have to change everything immediately. Awareness itself is transformative.
It identifies where your energy is leaking: If you're exhausted but don't know why, this question often reveals the invisible labor of maintaining false selves.
It clarifies your values: What you're willing to hide says a lot about what you've learned is "unacceptable." Often, these beliefs need updating.
How to Journal With This Prompt Effectively
Don't just think about this question—actually write about it. Here's how to get the most from this reflection:
Start with specific contexts
Instead of asking "Where am I not authentic?" ask:
At work, what parts of myself do I edit or hide?
On social media, what do I never post about?
With my partner/friends/family, what do I avoid saying?
In public spaces, what aspects of myself do I tone down?
Notice the physical sensation
What does performing feel like in your body? Is it tightness in your chest? A clenched jaw? A feeling of holding your breath? Your body often knows you're performing before your mind admits it.
Explore the "what if"
Write about what you fear would happen if you dropped the performance. Often these fears are outdated or exaggerated, but they're running the show anyway.
Consider the origin story
Where did you learn that this part of you needed to be hidden or edited? Was it a specific comment from a parent? A painful experience in school? Understanding the origin doesn't make it your fault, but it does make it changeable.
What Dropping the Performance Actually Looks Like
Here's what many people get wrong: Being authentic doesn't mean saying everything you think or having emotional outbursts. It's not about being "raw" or "unfiltered" all the time.
Authenticity is about alignment. It's when your inner experience matches your outer expression closely enough that you're not exhausting yourself with the gap.
This might look like:
Admitting "I don't know" at work instead of bluffing
Posting about a struggle on social media alongside your wins
Telling a friend "I'm not up for that tonight" instead of forcing yourself
Letting yourself be quiet at a party when you don't have energy to be "on"
Expressing a different opinion respectfully instead of always agreeing
Common Fears About Dropping the Performance (And Reality Checks)
Fear: "If people see the real me, they'll reject me."
Reality: The people who connect with your performance aren't really connecting with you anyway. Authenticity attracts more genuine relationships, even if there are fewer of them.
Fear: "I won't be successful if I'm not always 'on' and impressive."
Reality: Performance is exhausting and unsustainable. Authentic confidence—grounded in knowing yourself—is more compelling and lasting than projected confidence.
Fear: "I don't even know who the 'real me' is anymore."
Reality: This is exactly why the question matters. You haven't lost yourself; you've just covered yourself up. The work is excavation, not creation.
Moving From Performance to Presence
The goal isn't to eliminate all social awareness or to become selfish. We all adjust our behavior in different contexts, and that's healthy. The question is: Are you adapting, or are you abandoning yourself?
Adapting means adjusting your expression while staying true to your values and feelings. You might be more reserved at work than with close friends, but you're not pretending to be someone you're not.
Abandoning means suppressing, denying, or editing core parts of who you are to maintain an image. You're doing violence to yourself to please others or avoid discomfort.
Take the First Step Today
You don't have to overhaul your entire life. Start small:
Notice one place this week where you're performing. Just notice. No judgment.
Experiment with one small truth. Maybe it's saying "I'm actually really tired" instead of "I'm fine." Maybe it's leaving a gathering when you want to instead of when you "should."
Track what happens. Did the feared outcome occur? How did it feel in your body to be more authentic?
Most people discover that dropping the performance feels risky but profoundly relieving. Like finally setting down a heavy bag you forgot you were carrying.
The Invitation
This journal prompt isn't asking you to be perfect or completely transparent in every moment. It's asking you to notice where the performance has become automatic, where you've forgotten you have a choice.
Because you do have a choice. And making that choice consciously—rather than living on autopilot—is the difference between existing and truly living.
Ready to explore this further? Grab your journal and spend 15 minutes with these questions:
Where am I expending energy maintaining an image rather than revealing my actual experience?
What would it feel like to drop the performance, even just for a moment?
What's one small step I could take toward greater authenticity this week?
Your authentic self is still there, underneath the performance. And it's been waiting for you to come home.
