How Abusive Relationships Impact Your Mental Health
If you've been in an abusive relationship, you already know how much it takes from you. But what you might not realize are the long-lasting effects it has on your mental health.
At our practice, we work with many people who are healing from abusive relationships. One of the most common things we hear is, "I don't trust myself anymore." If that resonates with you, you're not alone.
The Hidden Mental Health Toll of Abusive Relationships
Abuse hurts it the moment, but it also reshapes how you see yourself and the world around you. Whether the abuse was emotional, physical, or verbal, the effects on your mental health can be profound and long-lasting.
Anxiety and Hypervigilance
When you've lived in survival mode, your nervous system gets stuck on high alert. You might find yourself:
Constantly scanning for danger, even when you're safe
Feeling anxious about everyday decisions
Experiencing panic attacks or overwhelming worry
Having trouble relaxing or feeling at ease
This hypervigilance made sense when you needed to protect yourself. But now, your body hasn't gotten the message that the threat is gone.
Depression and Loss of Self
Abuse slowly strips away your sense of who you are. Many people in abusive relationships experience:
Feeling disconnected from activities they once loved
Loss of interest in hobbies, friendships, or goals
Persistent sadness or emptiness
Difficulty imagining a better future
The person you were before the relationship can feel like a distant memory.
The Devastating Loss of Self-Trust
Here's one of the cruelest impacts of abuse: it makes you doubt yourself at every turn.
Your abuser likely told you that you were "too sensitive," that they "were just joking," or that you were "crazy" for being upset. This gaslighting creates profound confusion about your own reality. Over time, you learned to question your perceptions, your feelings, and your judgments.
Now, even when making simple decisions, you might:
Second-guess every choice you make
Feel paralyzed when trying to trust your gut
Constantly seek validation from others
Worry that you'll make the "wrong" decision again
Feel like you can't rely on your own judgment
This loss of self-trust might be the most isolating part. When you can't trust yourself, it feels like you have no solid ground to stand on.
PTSD and Trauma Symptoms
Many survivors of abusive relationships develop symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), including:
Intrusive memories or flashbacks
Nightmares about the abuse
Emotional numbness
Avoiding reminders of the relationship
Difficulty concentrating
These aren't signs of weakness—they're normal responses to abnormal experiences.
Impact on Future Relationships
Abuse doesn't just affect your past relationship—it can make future connections feel scary and complicated. You might:
Struggle to set boundaries or feel guilty when you do
Have difficulty recognizing red flags
Feel unworthy of healthy love
Push people away to protect yourself
Repeat unhealthy relationship patterns
Why Therapy Makes a Difference
The good news is that healing is possible. Therapy provides a safe, supportive space to process what happened and rebuild what abuse took from you.
Rebuilding Self-Trust Through Therapy
A skilled therapist can help you learn to trust yourself again. In therapy, you'll:
Learn to recognize and validate your own feelings
Practice making decisions in a judgment-free environment
Understand how gaslighting distorted your reality
Rebuild confidence in your perceptions and judgments
Develop tools to listen to your intuition again
Your therapist won't tell you what to do—instead, they'll help you reconnect with your own inner wisdom that abuse tried to silence.
Processing Trauma Safely
Therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and trauma-focused CBT are specifically designed to help you process traumatic experiences without being retraumatized. You'll learn to:
Manage flashbacks and intrusive thoughts
Reduce anxiety and hypervigilance
Process painful memories in a controlled way
Reclaim your sense of safety
Creating Healthy Relationship Patterns
Therapy helps you understand what healthy relationships look like and develop the skills to create them. You'll work on:
Identifying red flags early
Setting and maintaining boundaries
Communicating your needs effectively
Recognizing your worth and what you deserve
Finding Yourself Again
Perhaps most importantly, therapy helps you rediscover who you are apart from the abuse. Many clients describe feeling like they're meeting themselves for the first time—the real them, not the version their abuser created.
Taking the First Step
If you're in the Sherman Oaks or throughout California and struggling with the aftermath of an abusive relationship, reaching out for help is an act of courage and self-compassion. Our therapists specialize in helping survivors of abuse heal and reclaim their lives.
You don't have to figure this out alone. Therapy isn't about dwelling on the past—it's about building a future where you feel safe, confident, and connected to yourself again.
What to Expect in Therapy for Abuse Recovery
Starting therapy can feel vulnerable, especially when you're working on trusting yourself again. Here's what you can expect:
A therapist who believes you and validates your experience
A pace that feels comfortable for you—you're in control
Practical tools you can use in daily life
A space free from judgment where all your feelings are welcome
You Deserve Support and Healing
Abuse impacts every aspect of your mental health, especially your ability to trust yourself. But with the right support, you can heal those wounds and build a life that feels authentic and safe.
If you're ready to start your healing journey, we're here to help. Our Sherman Oaks therapy practice offers compassionate, specialized care for survivors of abusive relationships.
Remember: What happened to you wasn't your fault. The confusion, self-doubt, and pain you're experiencing are normal responses to abuse. And most importantly, you deserve to trust yourself again.
