Understanding Sexual Trauma and EMDR: Insights from Mikayla’s Story

If you've been following Secret Lives of Mormon Wives (SLOMW), you've witnessed Mikayla Matthews’ courageous healing journey. Her story has resonated with so many viewers because her experience reflects what countless survivors of childhood sexual trauma face every single day.

Mikayla's Backstory

In Season 1, we met Mikayla as she navigated unexplainable physical symptoms and autoimmune challenges. Like many trauma survivors, her body was holding onto experiences her mind was still processing.

In Season 2, Mikayla courageously revealed that she is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse beginning when she was just six years old. The strength it takes to speak that truth out loud (especially on camera) cannot be overlooked.

In the most recent season of SLOMW, we witness Mikayla face the ripple effects of that childhood trauma as it impacts her marriage. She's experiencing sexual blocks and difficulties with intimacy, something that's causing real strain in her relationship. And here's what I want you to know: this is incredibly common among survivors of sexual trauma.

You're Not Alone: The Reality of Sexual Trauma's Impact

If you're watching Mikayla's story and seeing yourself reflected back, please hear this: there is nothing wrong with you. Sexual blocks, difficulty with intimacy, anxiety around physical touch, avoidance, or even physical pain during sex are all normal responses to sexual trauma.

Our bodies remember what happened to us, even when our minds have tried to protect us by pushing those memories away. When trauma occurs during critical developmental years, it can fundamentally shape how we experience intimacy, safety, and connection in our adult relationships.

You are not broken. Your responses are your nervous system's way of trying to keep you safe. And there are paths forward.

Mikayla's Bold Step: Seeking EMDR Therapy

One of the most important moments in Season 3 was watching Mikayla take the courageous step of seeking EMDR therapy. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is an evidence-based therapy that has shown remarkable results in treating trauma, particularly childhood sexual trauma.

In the episode, we saw Mikayla visit an EMDR therapist who then referred her to couples sex therapy. While I absolutely understand that we're only seeing a small snippet of what likely was a much longer conversation, I did want to address this moment because it touches on something crucial.

A Different Approach: When You're Not Ready to Share

Here's what I want survivors to know: you don't have to be ready to talk about your trauma with your partner to begin healing from it.

While couples therapy and sex therapy can be incredibly valuable (and may absolutely be part of the journey), jumping straight to that recommendation might not honor where a survivor is in their healing process. Many survivors aren't ready to discuss the details of their trauma with their spouse (and that's totally okay!) That doesn't mean you can't start healing.

As an EMDR therapist, here's how I would have approached Mikayla's situation:

Individual EMDR Work First

I would have started with individual EMDR sessions focused specifically on the sexual trauma. EMDR allows us to process traumatic memories without having to talk about every detail out loud. The bilateral stimulation (eye movements, taps, or sounds) helps your brain reprocess the traumatic memory so it no longer feels so overwhelming and triggering in the present.

For someone like Mikayla, we could work on:

• Processing the original trauma from age six

• Addressing the negative beliefs that formed ("I'm not safe," "My body betrayed me," "Intimacy is dangerous")

• Installing positive beliefs ("I am safe now," "I have control over my body," "I can experience pleasure")

• Desensitizing triggers that arise during intimacy with her spouse

Creating Safety in Her Body

EMDR isn't just about addressing past memories - it's also about helping you feel safe in your body now. Through resourcing techniques and present-moment work, we can help rebuild that sense of bodily safety and autonomy that trauma steals from us.

Then, When She's Ready: Couples Work

Once Mikayla had processed some of the trauma individually and felt more grounded in her body, then couples or sex therapy could be incredibly beneficial. At that point, she might feel more equipped to communicate with her partner about what she needs, what feels safe, and how they can navigate intimacy together.

But the key is: she gets to decide when she's ready for that.

The Power of EMDR for Sexual Trauma

EMDR has been transformative for so many survivors I've worked with. Here's why it's particularly effective for childhood sexual trauma:

It bypasses the need for detailed verbal processing. You don't have to tell me (or anyone) every detail of what happened. The bilateral stimulation allows your brain to process the memory on its own terms.

It addresses the body's response. Trauma lives in our bodies, not just our minds. EMDR helps release the physical tension and nervous system activation that gets stuck.

It works on implicit memories. Even if you don't have clear memories of what happened (which is common with childhood trauma), EMDR can still help process the feelings, sensations, and beliefs associated with the trauma.

It's efficient. While everyone's healing timeline is different, EMDR often works more quickly than traditional talk therapy for trauma processing.

It creates lasting change. By reprocessing the traumatic memory, EMDR helps it become just that—a memory—rather than something that feels like it's happening right now every time you're triggered.

For the Survivors Reading This

If Mikayla's story has stirred something in you, or if you've been struggling with the impact of sexual trauma on your own relationships, I want you to know:

• Healing is possible.

• You don't have to carry this alone.

• You get to move at your own pace.

• You don't owe anyone the details of your trauma until you are ready.

• Seeking therapy is one of the bravest things you can do.

EMDR therapy can be a powerful tool in your healing journey, allowing you to process trauma in a way that feels safe and manageable. You deserve to feel safe in your body. You deserve to experience intimacy without fear. You deserve healing.

Next Steps

If you're in the Los Angeles area and interested in exploring EMDR therapy for sexual trauma, I'm here to support you. Healing happens at your pace, in your way, when you're ready. You're not alone in this.