The Case for Book Clubs: Why Adult Women Need Community More Than Ever

written by: Amber Robinson, lmft-s, emdr cit

On making friends as an adult, finding your people, and how a joke about starting a book club became one of my favorite parts of the month.

In January 2026, I posted my Goodreads stats from the previous year on social media. I'd read 86 books.

Was I bragging a little? Probably. Some people post their stats from Strava. I post mine from Goodreads. We all have our thing.

Anyway, a friend reached out after seeing my post. She told me she'd been wanting to get back into reading and asked if I knew of any book clubs she could join.

"No, but we can start one," I joked.

To my surprise, she responded, "Okay, how's the first weekend in February?"

Well, I guess we're starting a book club.

Fast forward to today, and what started as a joke has turned into a growing group of women who get together every single month to talk about books, catch up on life, and spend a few hours in each other's company.

And it has genuinely become one of my favorite things.

Of course, I love the reading part. I'm the woman who read 86 books in a year, remember? But somewhere along the way, I realized that what I love most about our book club isn't necessarily the books.

It's the community we've created around them.

And as a therapist who spends a lot of time talking with women about loneliness, relationships, and the challenges of adulthood, I can't help but think there's something really important about that.

Why Is Making Friends as an Adult So Hard?

Remember when making friends was relatively easy?

You went to school, sat next to someone in class, realized you both hated the same teacher, and suddenly you were best friends. You saw each other every day without having to coordinate three calendars and schedule a dinner six weeks in advance.

Adult friendships are a different story.

We're juggling careers, relationships, children, aging parents, pets, household responsibilities, and the seemingly endless list of things that need our attention.

By the time Friday rolls around, sometimes the only thing we want to do is put on our pajamas, order takeout, and become one with the couch.

And honestly? I get it.

But there's a difference between enjoying time alone and feeling disconnected from the people around us.

In my work as a therapist in Los Angeles, I hear some version of this all the time.

Women tell me they have wonderful friends they barely see. Entrepreneurs tell me their entire lives have become work, their partner, and maybe a workout if they're lucky. Others tell me they want deeper friendships but have no idea where to begin.

Some are surrounded by people all day and still feel incredibly lonely.

It's not necessarily that we don't have people in our lives. It's that we don't always have the time, energy, or opportunities to meaningfully connect with them.

And unfortunately, friendships don't tend to maintain themselves on good intentions alone.

Female Friendships Aren't a Luxury. They're Part of Our Well-Being.

I think we've gotten pretty good at talking about self-care.

We talk about therapy, exercise, skincare routines, getting enough sleep, setting boundaries, and taking ourselves on little solo dates.

All good things.

But somewhere in the conversation about taking care of ourselves, I think we sometimes forget about taking care of our relationships.

Connection is a form of self-care, too.

We are social beings. We need to feel seen, understood, supported, and connected to other people.

Research has consistently linked strong social relationships with better physical and mental health outcomes. Conversely, chronic loneliness and social isolation are associated with increased risks for depression, anxiety, and other health concerns.

And yet, many of us treat time with friends as something we'll get around to once everything else is done.

Once work slows down.

Once the kids are older.

Once we finish that project.

Once life feels a little less chaotic.

But what if life doesn't slow down?

What if maintaining friendships is something we have to intentionally make room for, even when everything else feels important?

One of the things I love about book club is that it gives us a reason to do exactly that.

The Unexpected Mental Health Benefits of Joining a Book Club

Sure, book clubs encourage us to read more. But I think their real magic happens in the conversations that unfold when we put the books down.

1. Book Clubs Create Consistency in Our Friendships

One of the biggest challenges of adult friendships is simply finding time to see each other.

We've all participated in the group text that starts with "We need to get together soon!" and ends with absolutely no plans being made.

A monthly book club solves part of that problem.

There's a standing commitment. A date on the calendar. Something to look forward to.

You don't have to reinvent the plan every month or wait for someone to initiate a dinner.

And I think there's something comforting about knowing that, no matter how busy life gets, you'll have an opportunity to reconnect.

Friendships need more than affection. They need attention.

2. They Give Us a Place to Belong Outside of Our Roles

This one feels especially important for women.

So many of us spend our days being something to someone else.

We're mothers, partners, daughters, business owners, employees, caregivers, and the people everyone else seems to depend on.

Those roles can be meaningful and fulfilling, but they can also become all-consuming.

Sometimes it's nice to walk into a room where nobody needs you to solve a problem, answer an email, make dinner, or be responsible for anyone else's needs.

You're just you.

A woman who read a book and has some opinions about it.

And believe me, we have opinions.

Having spaces where we can connect with ourselves and other people outside of our everyday responsibilities can be incredibly restorative.

3. Talking About Fiction Can Lead to Surprisingly Real Conversations

One of my favorite things about book club is how quickly a conversation about fictional characters can turn into a conversation about real life.

We start by discussing why a character stayed in a terrible relationship, and suddenly we're talking about attachment, boundaries, family dynamics, and the complicated reasons people make the choices they do.

Someone brings up a character's relationship with her mother, and before you know it, we're talking about our own childhood experiences.

A discussion about marriage becomes a conversation about expectations, communication, or the invisible labor women carry.

Not every conversation gets that deep, of course. Sometimes we're just collectively outraged by a plot twist.

But I love that books give us an entry point into conversations we might not otherwise have.

As a therapist, I spend a lot of time helping people better understand themselves and their relationships. There's something fascinating about watching a group of women bring their different perspectives and lived experiences to the same story.

We can all read the exact same book and walk away with completely different interpretations.

And there's something pretty wonderful about that.

4. They Help Us Build Friendships Through Shared Experiences

One of the reasons making friends as an adult can feel intimidating is that we sometimes put a lot of pressure on the interaction itself.

What are we going to talk about? Will we have anything in common? Is this going to feel awkward?

Book clubs take some of that pressure away.

You already have something to talk about.

You don't have to walk into a room and immediately share your life story. You can start with whether you liked the ending, which character drove you crazy, or whether the book deserved the hype.

And over time, those conversations can grow into something more.

You learn about people's relationships, values, personalities, and experiences. You start remembering what's happening in their lives. You find yourself looking forward to seeing them.

That's often how friendship develops.

Not necessarily through one profound conversation, but through repeated moments of connection.

5. They Give Us Something to Look Forward To

I think this benefit is underrated.

As adults, so much of our calendars are filled with obligations.

Meetings. Appointments. Deadlines. Errands. Responsibilities.

It's easy to get into a routine where the weeks start blending together, and the only thing we're really looking forward to is the weekend.

Having something on the calendar that's purely for enjoyment matters.

Something that isn't tied to professional development, productivity, parenting, or accomplishing another goal.

Just a few hours spent doing something you enjoy with people whose company you genuinely like.

And sometimes, that's enough.

Why Community Matters for Women's Mental Health

In therapy, we often talk about the importance of having a support system.

But I think it's worth asking what that actually looks like.

Having a support system isn't necessarily about having 20 close friends or a packed social calendar.

It's about having people you can be yourself around.

People who celebrate your wins, listen when things are hard, challenge you when you need it, and remind you that your world exists beyond whatever is currently stressing you out.

And importantly, it's about having relationships where you aren't always the one doing the emotional heavy lifting.

For women who are used to being the responsible one, the caretaker, the high achiever, or the person who holds everything together, reciprocal friendships can offer something we don't always realize we're missing.

A place where we get to be supported, too.

Of course, joining a book club isn't a substitute for therapy, and it isn't a guaranteed cure for loneliness. Building meaningful relationships takes time, vulnerability, consistency, and mutual effort.

But having regular opportunities to connect can be a meaningful step toward feeling less isolated.

And sometimes, creating those opportunities is simpler than we think.

How to Start a Book Club (Even If You Don't Know Where to Begin)

If you've been wanting to make more friends, reconnect with reading, or create a little more community in your life, consider this your encouragement to start a book club.

You don't need an elaborate plan, matching wine glasses, or a perfectly curated group of people.

You just need a few people who are willing to give it a try.

Here's what I'd suggest:

1. Start with the people you already know. Ask a few friends or acquaintances if they'd be interested. You might be surprised how many people are craving the same kind of connection.

2. Pick a consistent time. Monthly works well for us. It gives everyone enough time to read without making the commitment feel overwhelming.

3. Make it accessible. Rotate hosting, meet at a coffee shop, or find a comfortable place where everyone can relax. The goal is connection, not creating another stressful event to organize.

4. Let people have different opinions. Some of our best conversations happen when we disagree about a book. Nobody needs to have the most insightful literary analysis.

And maybe most importantly, don't wait until you have the perfect group or the perfect plan.

Ours started with a joke in a social media message.

Sometimes that's all it takes.

Maybe We Need More Third Places and Fewer Group Chats

There's a concept in sociology called third places, popularized by sociologist Ray Oldenburg.

Our first place is home. Our second place is work. Third places are the spaces outside of those environments where people gather, connect, and build community.

Think coffee shops, libraries, neighborhood gathering spots, and other places where people can simply exist together.

For many adults, especially those who work from home or spend most of their time moving between professional and personal responsibilities, opportunities for casual social connection can be limited.

And while a book club isn't necessarily a traditional third place, I think it can serve a similar purpose.

It creates a recurring space for connection that exists outside our daily routines.

A place where we can laugh, debate, share stories, and spend time together without needing a particular reason beyond wanting to be there.

We live in a world where we're more digitally connected than ever, yet many people are struggling to feel genuinely connected.

We send memes. We react to Instagram stories. We promise to make plans.

But there's something different about sitting across from someone, putting your phone down, and being fully present.

I think we need more of that.

What Starting a Book Club Has Taught Me About Friendship

When I posted those Goodreads stats in January, I wasn't trying to start a community.

I was just proud of reading 86 books and wanted the internet to know about it.

But looking back, I'm so glad my friend took my joke seriously.

What started as a shared interest has become a monthly reminder of something I talk about with clients all the time: the life we want doesn't always happen automatically. Sometimes we have to create space for it.

We have to make the plans.

Send the invitation.

Follow through.

Be willing to try something new, even if we're not entirely sure how it's going to turn out.

And I think that's particularly important for women who spend so much of their lives making sure everyone else is taken care of.

We deserve friendships, hobbies, and experiences that exist simply because they make our lives richer.

Not because they're productive.

Not because they help us accomplish something.

But because they bring us joy.

So if you've been thinking about starting a book club, joining a running group, taking a pottery class, or reaching out to someone you've been meaning to reconnect with, maybe this is your sign.

You don't need to read 86 books a year.

You don't even need to finish the book every month.

You just need to start somewhere.

And who knows? Something you say as a joke might turn into one of your favorite things, too.

My Three Favorite Book Club Reads of 2026

I couldn't write an entire blog about my love of book club without sharing a few of my favorite reads from this year.

These three have been standouts for me:

1. My Husband's Wife by Alice Feeney

If you love a psychological thriller filled with secrets, complicated relationships, and reasons to question everything you think you know, this one deserves a spot on your reading list.

2. The Bright Years by Sarah Damoff

A moving family story that explores love, loss, complicated relationships, and the ways our experiences can shape generations. The kind of book that gives you plenty to think about after you've turned the last page.

3. Kin by Tayari Jones

A powerful exploration of friendship, family, identity, and the relationships that shape who we become. It feels particularly fitting for a conversation about the importance of connection and belonging.

Happy reading, and here's to making more room for the people and things we love.